Footballist

End of year round-up/predictions...

2005-12-20T15:44:00.000Z

Perhaps 2005/06 is all about Jose, but here's a broader view of what's to come (from the dubious perspective of El Tel)...

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...

...

...

Premiership

Winners: Chelsea.

Man Utd to pip Liverpool to 2nd spot. Arsenal, Bolton and Spurs to make up the rest of the top 6 - in that order.

Relegation: Sunderland, Birmingham, West Brom.

NB/ Final day fixtures include:-
Everton v West Brom
Portsmouth v Liverpool
Bolton v Birmingham
Aston Villa v Sunderland

FA Cup: Man Utd.

Carling Cup: Blackburn.

Championship

Winners: Reading.

Also promoted: Sheff Utd and Leeds Utd (play-off winners, defeating Crystal Palace).

Relegation: Millwall, Crewe, Brighton.

League One: Not that bothered, though it'd be nice to see Hartlepool improve.

League Two: Not that bothered, though it'd be nice to see Macclesfield steer clear of relegation.

Conference: Accrington Stanley (champions) and Grays (through play-offs). Would love to see Nigel Clough's part-timers at Burton finish in the top half of the table.

Scottish Premier

Winners: Celtic.

Relegation: I really couldn't say...

Any thoughts on the likely winners and losers of the 2005/06 season, do share...

*****
El Tel won't be posting much to this blog in 2006, but will he will be pursing the CUAS title with vigour! On a related note, 'Footballist' lies in a very respectable 24th position in the Challenge Lawro league table. A top 20 finish would be nice!

Thanks to those of you who've dipped in occasionally, your views and witticisms have been appreciated. Hope you are well, and are set for happy endings to the season and everything else that you've got going on.

The George Burley saga, the admirable resolve of Alex McLeish, it's all having a strange effect...

2005-12-11T01:09:00.000Z

I've got a sudden urge to go and watch Scottish football... what the f*** is wrong with me?

Burton in the FA Cup, and the Stoke City Zoo

2005-12-04T15:33:00.000Z

Burton v Burscough was postponed. 'Bit of an arse' I thought, 'will have to wait until Tuesday'. And then I realised, 'By then, the third round draw will have been made... interesting'. And it happened:

"Burton Albion or Burscough Town will play... Manchester United"

What a sore texting thumb that led to!

So where did El Tel & Co. get to instead of Burton v Burscough?... Stoke 1 - 2 QPR.

And after witnessing the QPR 'keeper being attacked and related debacle, I have some thoughts/questions to share:-

- Why are the stewards now allowed to spend the game watching the game?
- When did stewards monitoring the crowd become unfashionable?
- Why did a handful of drunk teenagers manage to get onto the pitch unchallenged?
- What level of drunkness or aggression would a fan (or fans) have to demonstrate before being asked to leave a ground?
- Is the policing approach of non-confrontation (filming incidents from a distance then mopping up afterwards) acceptable?

The atmosphere at the Britannia on Saturday was simply nasty - far from 'family-friendly'.

- When your community of 'football fans' features apes, what kind of a joke does this make of such schemes as 'Football in the Community'?

That is all.

It's gonna be mayhem at Burton on Tuesday...

Oh happy day...

2005-11-30T12:04:00.000Z

Doncaster 3 - 0 Aston Villa

Villa line-up (an appropriate term): Sorensen, Hughes, Mellberg, Ridgewell, Samuel (Phillips 59), Milner, McCann, Davis, Barry, Angel, Baros. Subs Not Used: Hendrie, Taylor, De la Cruz, Moore.

O'Leary said: "...Good luck to Doncaster, they're a good footballing side and try to play football. They've beaten Manchester City and ourselves..."

Weak. Reminding us that the Yorkshire puddings have beaten another Premiership team, implying that this result shouldn't be regarded as a big statement against the hapless Villa. Weak.

And next up for Villa?... A trip to Geordieland... "Memories..."

...and Lee Bowyer £170,000 lighter following this week's out of court settlement. He should be on sparkling form.

Learning

2005-11-24T23:00:00.000Z

There's a lot of things that a lot of people could learn from George Best...

...

1946 - 2005

Gone!

2005-11-18T13:30:00.000Z

Fookin' hell.

He's gone!

Truly, the end of an era.

What chance of a major midfield signing for Man Utd in January?

Ballack?

. . .

Bulldogs United

2005-11-15T11:00:00.000Z

Mike Tyson preaching about his admiration for Wayne Rooney's temperament.

No. That's just too ridiculous.

I'm feeling

2005-11-10T15:00:00.000Z

...frivolous. Maybe it's because I can't be arsed to work, maybe it's because I'm dizzy with my rise to 21st in the Challenge Lawro Premiership table, who knows. Anyway, yesterday I was asked how many football grounds I'd been to, so I thought I'd count them. In order of position in the football league(s):-

Wigan (Springfield Park)
Bolton
Man United
Charlton
West Ham
Newcastle (with terracing)
Middlesbrough
Aston Villa
Sunderland
Leeds
Stoke
Sheff Wed
Crewe (the most bizarre - 3 tiny stands, and a big 'un)
Southend
Brentford
Chesterfield
Port Vale
Bradford
Hartlepool (the coldest)
Oldham
Blackpool
Milton Keynes (bad football politicking)
Chester
Wrexham
Darlington (Feethams)
Shrewsbury
Barnet
Mansfield
Macclesfield

Gone from the football league, but not forgotten...

Exeter
Cambridge
Scarborough

As for non-league, far too many to remember.

And finally, 3 personal 'must do's:-

Man City
Liverpool
Northampton

If you've never visited www.footballgroundguide.co.uk before, then I strongly suggest you do. It's a fantastic site.

Diving...

2005-11-03T17:30:00.000Z

After a bad weekend of score-predicting, that included Mr and Mrs El Tel missing out on the Charlton-Bolton classic (but managing to get to Barnet-Rushden and Diamonds), 'Footballist' is now down from 16th to 28th position in the Radio FiveLive 'Challange Lawro' competition...

This is not good enough.
I demand improvement.
I give myself a... oh no... a vote of confidence.

A sacking looms (?).

The Inevitable Return of Gazza

2005-10-31T15:00:00.000Z

Gazza - hopefully not a George-Best-in-waiting, but a character who has given cause for concern - and not just because of his accent.

I was glad to hear of his managerial debut victory with Kettering Town, thanks to a goal from the very sharp Christian Moore. However, upon seeing the blond one's Saturday evening post-match interview, I thought his slurred speech and general Gazzaness was again a cause for concern. Reminded me of his horrific performances alongside a hand-holding Terry Venables as ITV World Cup football pundit in 2002 (or maybe it was Euro 2004). Anyway, I hope that his Saturday slurriness was simply a brief spell of nerves, or the result of a rare celebratory tipple. Football is richer for having a happy and healthy Gazza involved.

I hear that bookmakers are offering short odds on Gazza departing Kettering early. No big surprise there, but I don't reckon it'll have much to do with a move up the managerial ladder (odds of 100/1 to become England manager?).

Thoughts on The Latest Return of Gazza?...

All we are saying...

2005-10-25T11:00:00.000+01:00

The story of Gary Megson allowing a couple of Forest fans to put across their frustration - eloquently, of course - to the Forest players at the end of Saturday's 3-0 defeat at Yeovil impresses me.

Most of all - despite the claim made in the Sun that the fans used 'industrial language' - I'm glad that the views were expressed in a coherent rational manner. There's nothing that pisses me off more than jibbering idiot-fans who think they've an ounce of tactical or football business-savvy. For those who can only ever revert to 'we need to buy better players', it should be simple: go and support Chelsea. For the rest, be clear, be in control your emotion and be heard.

Good one, Mr Megson.

['Footballist' El Tel is presently 24th (or joint 19th) in the Challenge Lawro Premiership]

Henry to go?

2005-10-21T17:30:00.000+01:00

Following his demolition of Ian Wright's goalscoring record at Arsenal, Thierry Henry is now in a position whereby he is able to make noises about the club and be sure that he'll have the fans on his side. Henry's comments about the failure to adequately replace Patrick Vieira may be the first signs of an unsettled Henry departing 'The Arsenal' when the next big name club comes along. There are two years left on the Henry contract.

Likely destination for Mr Henry? Spain? Italy? Or that new place in north London?

Caught?!

2005-10-17T18:30:00.000+01:00

Really, with hair like that, is it any surprise that Abel Xavier has provided a positive drug test sample?

If he was serious about his football - a world class player, he'd have got himself a sensible hairdo, like one of those Brazilians.

I guess that sort of thing isn't de rigeur on Teesside.

A principled alternative

2005-10-13T10:00:00.000+01:00

UPDATE (post-Wednesday/Poland) 13.10.05

England: Well that was a bit more like it, though it makes me cringe about what will become when all players are available for selection... Owen's two goal-related touches - the back heel divert, and the ball into Lampard - peaches, the pair of them.

Charlton: Oh dear. Mrs Tel informs me that to be able to buy tickets for Charlton as a one-off neutral spectator, you have to pay £20 per annum for membership. Thus, the one-off ticket price effectively rises from £20 to £30. And the reason for this charge?... To reduce the likelihood of nasty away fans (Bolton!) gaining access to the home fans' stands. This pisses me right off - whilst £20 is affordable, there is a 'don't take the piss' principle being tested here. And what's worse is that Mrs Tel has now identified an alternative fixture for October 29th, and it's here. Gutted? You could say that.

Getting Over England

2005-10-11T10:30:00.000+01:00

Can't you feel the profound disinterest in England's World Cup qualification? I don't recall a sense of apathy and general dourness around what should have been an upbeat happy-clappy 'Let's celebrate, we're through!' occasion. In fact, it feels shit.

I noticed that Mrs Tel was looking fidgety, then she told me that she was feeling the need... to plump for a new football ground experience. So, we'll be at the glamour tie of the month on Saturday 29th October as we head for Charlton v Bolton. And, at only £20 for an adult ticket, we might even have enough change to grab a chicken balti pie for Mrs T.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a letter to write to the F.A.

Dear People at the F.A.,

This England business, it's not really working is it? In fact, it's driven me and Mrs T to bloody Charlton!...

The European Comedy Cup?

2005-10-04T17:30:00.000+01:00

For starters, I like the UEFA Cup - the 'not quite there' aspect of many of its chasers is attractive to me. On an average day, I'd get much more out of watching the likes of Strasbourg or Brondby or Basel than Juventus or Real Madrid or Chelsea. Odd? Perhaps, but that's how it is. To me, it's a version of romance. However, I've just looked over the groupings for the UEFA Cup, and have noticed a quite ridiculous situation that marks this next phase of the competition. For the record, the draw includes:-

Group D
AZ Alkmaar
Middlesbrough
FC Dnipro
Grasshopper Zurich
Litex Lovech (?)

Group H
Besiktas
Sevilla
Bolton
St Petersburg
Vitoria Guimaraes

'The top three sides from each group progress to the last 32, where they are joined by the eight third-placed teams from the Champions League group stage'. This is ridiculous. Three out of five! That's the equivalent of the Championship play-off places being extended to the team ending in 14th (or 15th!) place. This is a recipe for half-empty stadia and the prospect of 'resting players'. Steve McLaren does not need any help in appearing dull. As for Mike Bassett at Bolton, I suspect that the Turks and the Spaniards will squeeze his team. Oh for knock-out UEFA Cup football - forcing our Premiership sides to step up to the plate, and affording no hiding place for managers whose rich-boy squads are not cutting it. Oh indeed.

Keano Keane go

2005-09-29T22:00:00.000+01:00

The furrowed brow of British football is to leave Man Utd in the summer. Talk of Celtic has already begun. This assumes a lot. It would be much more interesting to see him stay in England. I imagine that feelers from a lot of wannabes will already be being put out - a second string side (within the Premiership) signing Keane would look like the Paul-Ince-to-Wolves kind of move. Premiership - been there, done that, one or two more seasons etc etc. However, Keane doesn't do failure. So it's got to be Celtic, hasn't it?

I hope not.

Liverpool - Chelsea

2005-09-28T14:00:00.000+01:00

So Liverpool host Chelsea tonight. The first of two Anfield clashes for the clubs in five days. Mourinho has been doing what he does - talking up his side. Benitez has been quietly looking to expose Chelsea's weakness because "They are beatable and we have an idea of how to win".

It'll be interesting to try to interpret what Benitez views Chelsea's weakness as being. I'm stuck on this at the moment. I'm guessing that the use of Cisse's pace as a counter-attacking weapon might come into play here. Alternatively, how many teams could be said to have set about 'having a go at Chelsea'?

Whilst neither team could be said to have been 'destroying' teams recently, it would be odd to imagine these teams (or at least Chelsea), not conjuring a goal (what a cliché!). So, whilst I expect it to be tight I don't expect it to be goalless. Hence, I predict:

Liverpool 1-1 Chelsea.

So, Chelsea's weakness - what is it? And what will the score be?...

UPDATE...

0-0 and more talk of Premiership teams being duller. I guess that view depends on whether we appreciate the European defensive sensibilities that are now par for the course.

The question for Sunday is: Would Chelsea be as content with a draw? I think not. I also think that a win at Anfield would deliver a massive psychological blow to the chasing pack, as well as to many neutrals and sponsors. It'll be an interesting one to predict...

Sir Alex Ferguson - Watchdog?

2005-09-26T12:00:00.000+01:00

The issue of ticket-pricing has stirred Alex Ferguson into making a public statement. Prices too high and variations game-to-game have got the goat of the Scottish one. His reference is towards 'London clubs' (should we read Arsenal and Chelsea here?).

Of course, this is certainly about working towards social and economic justice rather than, say, oh I don't know, trying to raise public, media and economic pressure against his greatest rivals. Of course it is. Sir ALex Ferguson speaking with forked tongue? Never...

Reach out and touch faith

2005-09-24T10:30:00.000+01:00

Chelsea pledge to reimburse fans after overcharging for the Champions League clash with Anderlecht. (Mirror, Daily Express) [courtesy of BBC]

Hmmm. This notion of 'overcharging' is interesting. Tickets for Chelsea games presently come in at £45-60. Ok, we can get into circular discussion about prices being dictated by the market, or the director of finance, or the chief executive, or whatever. And about whether it's 'the system' or the club that are to blame for this kind of thing - undoubtedly reducing access to their club for a lot of people (especially those with younger kids I guess). But really, could there be scope for some kind of 'family football centres' whereby games could be put out on big screens (cinema style), with moderate charges being made for entry, and without the necessity of a pub backdrop. If such centres could be attached to kids' football training centres, then game on, etc etc.

Sure, there'd be issues to do with licensing and Sky/other TV channels' rights and so on, but really, for the love of the game and the future of football... show me a club that is truly making efforts to reach out and widen access to all would-be football supporters.

When respect is due...

2005-09-21T15:00:00.000+01:00

Couldn't believe that Spurs played a full-strength team in the Blundell Park defeat... Jenas, Defoe, Carrick... Jol understandably pissed off. Well done Grimsby.

The fact that the second round of the Carling Cup feels like the most interesting bunch of fixtures this season suggests that I'm finding this season dull. It's true, I am. Which is why this (Premiership crowds slumping) does not surprise me.

Glad to see a much improved performance for me in the C.U.A.S. predictions league last weekend. The approach was methodical - I consulted recent form, team news, everything. Sad, I know.

Och aye etc etc

2005-09-18T00:30:00.000+01:00

What a choking experience - to return to discover that I'd racked up a massive one point in the predictions league over the weekend of 10-11 September. I felt totally Mick McCarthyed.

Anyway, as it's easy to get very Premiership-centric - despite the Chelsea factor (though we're all hanging on to watch them trip up), I thought some bigging up of Burley George was in order. Looking over the Scottish Premier table, it's amazing to see the size of gap that already exists between Hearts and The Glasgow Giants. One thing to not though: Hearts have yet to play Rangers (home, Sat 24 September) and Celtic (away, Saturday 15 October) this season. At last, Scottish football is looking interesting - one to follow.

Any pleasing surprises so far this season?

Challenge Lawro

2005-09-10T13:45:00.000+01:00

BBC Radio Five Live have reintroduced their 'Challenge Lawro' predictions game.

Click here to register and play. If you see a 'Footballist' at the top of the Challenge Lawro table, then that'll be me.

Of course, as fun as Challenge Lawro could prove to be, it will remain inferior to this league... truly, the J-League of football score predictions games.

Now, if you will excuse me, I'm off to see Nigel Clough's Burton Albion scrape a victory over Accrington Stanley. Will be my first trip to Burton's new Pirelli Stadium. 'Whoop whoop' indeed.

UPDATE:

There was no scraped victory. There were instead signs of 'relegation material'. The Pirelli Stadium didn't feel anything like as intimate as Burton's former home, Eton Park. Boooo...

Cole's not Scholes'

2005-09-09T08:00:00.000+01:00

Oh how I'd love to see Stuart Pearce's men come up trumps against Man Utd. And for a cherry on top, I'd ask for an Andy Cole winner - to be scored really early in the game so that United are unsuccessfully chasing throughout. Would almost take away the bitter taste of Wednesday*.

* What a ridiculous lie.

Will be away from the blog for a week as I've got a trip to hospital. I reacted badly to an Extreme Spray Tan**, the dermatologist says it's serious.

** You had your way of getting over Wednesday, I had mine.

I had a dream last night,...

2005-09-07T10:30:00.000+01:00

...and it ended:

Northern Ireland 0 - 4 England

Any dreams or predictions about tonight's game?

Update (post-coitus*):

I just remembered another dream that I had last night, it went something like this, only it was wearing an England shirt. That's all that I have to say on this.

* f***-up

England After Sven...

2005-09-05T21:15:00.000+01:00

Just two years ago I felt buoyed by the big and obvious prospects of the national team. England looked like a young team with 'older heads' (Beckham, 28; Owen, 23) who really weren't all that old. But now, I'm thinking such thoughts as 'Just what would it take to shift Beckham from the first XI, mumps?' Apart from that, playing Gerrard, Beckham and Lampard in the same team feels too claustrophobic. And let's not even talk about the mis-use of Rooney - he'd much better suit a Paul Scholes off-the-front-man/men role. To be blunt, England will limp through to Germany 2006, but little more of note will happen before Sven's exit. Then it'll be time for change... On which subject, the usual English suspects are already being touted as hotseat-fillers (McLaren, Curbishley, Bassett/Allardyce, Bruce, Robson). However, perhaps it's because it's too soon for him or perhaps it's because domestic football politics couldn't take the strain, but one name that's not being mentioned yet is Stuart Pearce. Maybe it's only a matter of time, but I do wonder if we will see history repeat itself.

If Sven resigned tomorrow, which Englishman would you like to see take over?

The 2005 Lastminute Lottery...

2005-09-01T16:00:00.000+01:00

For a full list of deals struck on transfer deadline day click here.

There's an interesting article here concerning the likely winners and losers. Worth quoting:-

"Wigan's... £3m purchase of Leicester's David Connolly smacks of desperation. After Nathan Ellington's departure, bids for Norwich's Dean Ashton, Trabzonspor's Fatih Tekke, West Brom's Rob Earnshaw and even Bradford's Dean Windass failed" ['F***ing hell - Dean Windass!' thought Tel]

"West Brom's move for highly-rated Luton defender Curtis Davies was sealed with just minutes to spare. But £3m for a defender who has only played a handful of Championship games has to go down as a risk" ['Bold' thought Tel]

"(Newcastle's) late swoop to re-sign Nolberto Solano from Aston Villa gives them someone capable of providing the ammunition for the new-look strike partnership..." ['A quiet coup' thought Tel]

"Blackburn will hope their loan signing from Arsenal, David Bentley, will make good on his undoubted talent ...(he) had a patchy season on loan at Norwich last term, scoring twice - but also picking up six bookings. Mark Hughes will be keen to iron out Bentley's rough edges" ['A very 'Mark Hughes' signing' thought Tel]

Particularly 'interesting' - business-wise - was this paired listing:

Sekou Baradji [Le Mans - West Ham] Undisclosed
Sekou Baradji [West Ham - Reading] Loan

Other notables that fell beneath the radar:-

Salif Diao [Liverpool - Portsmouth] Loan ('Whatever happened to...')
Andy Dibble [unattached - Accrington] ('Roll over John Burridge?')
Justin Hoyte [Arsenal - Sunderland] Loan ('Pinsticker's choice?')
Francis Jeffers [Charlton - Rangers] Loan ('Gypo')
Stuart Nethercott [Wycombe - Woking] Loan ('Whatever happened to...')
Pablo Mills [Derby - MK Dons] Loan (''Pablo Mills' - surely the best name in football!')
James Milner [Newcastle - Aston Villa] Loan ('Still only 19 years old')
Michael Ricketts [Leeds - Cardiff] Loan ('Another Leeds heavyweight (financial)')

Best and worst deals of the day - who do you reckon?

A picture says a thousand words...

2005-08-31T13:30:00.000+01:00

Feel-good domestic team of the moment: click here

Feel-good international team of the moment: click here (images 5 and 6)

Who are your feel-good teams of the moment?

The Michael is Taken...

2005-08-30T11:45:00.000+01:00

Unbelievable. Owen has agreed to join the Magpies. Much respect to the Magpies for the all-out campaign - public and private - to grab Owen. Getting the £17m bid accepted by Real put a massive thorn in the side of any Liverpool manoeuvre for the player. However, Shearer's public role in persuading Owen to sign certainly raises questions over who is running team affairs on Tyneside.

Newcastle presently look like this:

Played 4 W 0 D 1 L 3 GF 0 GA 6 GD -6 Points 1

The question is, with the signings of Luque and Owen, what are Newcastle's genuine prospects for 2005/06?

Next match for the Geordies: Fulham (home). Nicely set up for a dream debut?

Break in play...

2005-08-30T00:00:00.000+01:00

Blog physio runs onto Footballist to mop up an ugly-looking meme injury inflicted by that most late of tacklers, 'Weenie' (think 'Psycho' Pearce but a bit more... Weenie). 10 songs that are rattling round Tel's bonce this evening:-

1. Oasis - Importance of Being Idle (Mr Noel on good form)
2. Whigfield - Saturday Night (utterly foul - heard it on radio today, very pissed off about this)
3. B52s - Love Shack (heard it on radio earlier, silly pop, bearable)
4. Bloke With Piano - Bad Day (bearable chorus)
5. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - God is in the House (but can Cave prove it? Tel thinks not)
6. Kaiser Chiefs - Born to be a Dancer (Tel was forced to sing it as a Tel-rel' guitared it last week)
7. Pixies - Wave of Mutilation (from film 'Pump up the Volume')
8. Audiobullies - Bang Bang (Tel liking it, despite himself)
9. Stereo MCs - Connected (heard it mentioned yesterday, been with Tel since)
10. The Cranberries - Zombie (it's getting late...)

That's it, I'm now meme vaccinated. It ends here.

Victoria Beckham has a lot to answer for...

2005-08-29T19:30:00.000+01:00

...an obvious title for a post given that I've just returned from the match at Harrison Park, home of Leek Town FC. Final score in this messy Unibond Premier League (UPL) game:

Leek Town 1-1 AFC Telford (Telford United reincarnated)

With Mrs Tel (out on parole) enjoying her afternoon in the sun, she surprised me with an astute observation. She spotted a small gaggle of Footballers' Wives, but not so much Footballers' Wives in this sense or - given that this was yee-ha country - even in this sense, but very much in this sense... but not quite. I kid you not, at the level of the UPL, we have young women styling themselves on Mrs Becks - oversized shades, trout-pouts and orange 'tan'. Mrs Tel thought it embarrassing, I thought it distracting, the photographer from the local paper thought it more interesting than the game... the power of the zoom lens - dirty sod.

The Victoria Beckhamisation of The Beautiful Game - at grass roots level - I'm not sure that it's acceptable. Well, is it?

It's getting late and they're getting desperate...

2005-08-26T18:30:00.000+01:00

'Souness sees Owen as the new Shearer' proclaimed the BBC. Ok, but I guess the problem is that Owen sees Owen as the same old Owen.

The NUFC hounding of young Mikey is getting hard to watch. If I was a NUFC fan I'd be squirming if not fuming at the simple fact of 'Owen and his advisors' time-wasting piss-take.

This will go down to the wire, but the longer it goes on the more I see messrs Souness and Shepherd as big fat tarts on the Quayside desperately putting out as the last of the Saturday night vomiters wend their ways taxiwards... not a good thing. They might see young Mikey as hot, but really, would the St James Park faithful be able to overlook Owen's longing for the old flame, Liverpool FC?

How does it make you feel?...

2005-08-24T19:00:00.000+01:00

Will he, won't he, he might, but he might not... if not, then what? Would he score, kiss the NUFC badge yet secretly be thinking of Liverpool?

Michael Owen's future looks like it'll be sorted out in the next couple of days. It seems to boil down to 'What's more important to Owen - playing for Liverpool or top dollar (Newcastle)?'

I'm looking at this as balanced on a knife-edge. It seems that he's practically screaming 'Come and get me LFC', but Rafa's a smart man and his need isn't half as acute as Souness'.

My guess: it'll be Liverpool. [I should be proved wrong within the next 24 hours]

Your thoughts on this?...

Championship is where it's at...

2005-08-23T11:45:00.000+01:00

Take a look at the top half of the Championship table at the moment and the teams you'll see listed are:-

READING, SHEFF UTD, DERBY, Watford, LEEDS, Luton, IPSWICH, SOUTHAMPTON, Stoke, WOLVES, QPR and Crewe.

Those in bold should reasonably be expected to do well - ie 'play-offs at least'. That's 8 teams! (Not including QPR) Outside of this lot there are still:-

LEICESTER, PALACE and NORWICH.

That looks like the healthiest kind of competition. Shames the Premiership in many respects. From the off, the degree of competition up there seems to be 'who'll snatch the fourth Champions League spot' and which of the promoted 3 have greatest chance of avoiding the drop.

Where do you see the healthiest competition in British football at the moment?

Bloated United, a.k.a. ...

2005-08-19T18:45:00.000+01:00

...Chelsea.

Cracks are appearing every week. Open admissions of Joe Cole being highly unsettled at times, Ricardo Carvalho demonstrating his sub-standard IQ whilst the Jose and Roman Roadshow land yet more weight in Midfield. With every new signing man-management will be getting harder at Chelsea and with that I wonder what happens to elusive lady morale. She goes fizzle-pop-zwoop is what happens to her. This season, Chelsea's biggest problem will be the size of the Chelsea squad. Can you imagine the cries if they don't beat Arsenal on Sunday?...

Interestingly skeptical piece by John Collins about the Essien signing can be found here.

Oh. And another thing, why haven't Newcastle been linked with Dean Ashton yet?

Simple solutions to 4-1-shaped problems...

2005-08-18T07:30:00.000+01:00

OK, you can take your pick, the hatchet jobs have begun. A 4-1 defeat to Denmark - yes, even in a friendly - bad enough, however, this alerts us to one very big problem that Sven et al need to get their heads round very quickly...

Too many highly capable members of the England squad are playing with damagingly low levels of confidence - and there are simple reasons for this...

Take the second half line-up from the Denmark defeat... with the likes of Michael Owen, Joe Cole and Glen Johnson not looking like commanding regular first team club football, what's the magic formula that says that these fellas should be up to putting in commanding international performances? Answer: There isn't such a formula as they're clearly not. Beyond this individual psychology there are the effects that this will have on squad morale and on confidence in fellow team members. Playing week-in week-out kind of suggests earning the right to pull on the three lions, being part of a world class club squad does not. Top international footballers (of top international teams!) need to be getting regular top-flight first team football. And yes, that does mean that you can go and shove all talk of Andy Johnson up your arse. But more importantly, it also means that 'super squads' such as that at Stamford Bridge will be damaging to some of their fringe players' confidence and subsequently to their international teams' - as a timely example, let us take Ricardo Carvalho and Portugal as a for instance. The mop-haired defender's complaints have likely been borne of his feeling very wobbly - doesn't it all have a slightly 'You don't love me any more, that's why I feel so low' feel to it.

Looking at the fluent passing game that Denmark put together after their first goal, they simply oozed confidence - yet all they did was play simple football really well - look, pass, move, collect and so on. Sure, some cack-footed England play afforded them this confidence, but these things have roots and I'm you just as I'm telling Sven (he is a reader): 'In the names of confidence and the appearance of confidence, if a player is not getting regular top-flight first team football then he should not be anywhere near the England squad'. As I said in my last post, Alan Smith had the right idea - sort yourself out at club level then lie back and think of England. And on that note, I can hear Mrs Tel calling. If you will excuse me...

One to ponder: Should Sven force his international players and wannabes to move club in order to secure top-flight first team football? Think Owen, G Johnson, J Cole, A Johnson...

Man Utd Reserves v England - You decide...

2005-08-16T08:30:00.000+01:00

Alan Smith is being criticised for snubbing the England bench in favour of a fitness-improving stint with the Man Utd reserves. On this occasion, I'm forced to agree with the blond one - for a long time I've wondered what the motivation is for players who will only ever be on the fringe of the England squad - Kevin Phillips, Darius Vassell, Alan Smith, Ugo Ehiogu...

Man Utd Reserves v England. Did Smith make the right choice? You decide...

The good, the bad and the potentially very ugly...

2005-08-14T18:30:00.000+01:00

El Tel's 3 highs and lows from weekend 01 of the 2005/06 Premiership season (category winners in bold):-

PRAISEWORTHY
- Aston Villa's fast-flowing one-touch football that led to each of their goals
- West Ham's second half in their 3-1 win over Blackburn
- "...you need eight, nine or 10 players playing well to get results. We didn't have anything like that... That won't happen again." - Mark Hughes

PISS-POOR
- Aston Villa's scratchy defence that gave Bolton two soft goals
- Sunderland's 1-3 defeat against 10-man Charlton
- Middlesbrough's appalling defensive approach against Liverpool

APPETISERS (NEXT WEEKEND)
- Newcastle v West Ham (Sat., 3pm)
- Chelsea v Arse (Sun., 4pm)

Anything outstandingly piss-poor or praiseworthy (Premiership or otherwise) to note?

Surprise outfits...

2005-08-12T10:30:00.000+01:00

Every season there are surprise outfits - Charlton, Bolton, WBA, David Beckham's sarong and so on.

This season, I can see Mick McCarthy's lo-glam approach working. I'm with this view - Sunderland to surprise a few and stay up.

Name a 2005/06 dark horse - Premiership, Championship or otherwise...

Car crash TV?

2005-08-11T12:30:00.000+01:00

Newcastle United are facing a crisis after failing in their bid to sign strike duo Luis Boa Morte and Nicolas Anelka. (Daily Mail)...

3 El Tel words: No shit Sherlock!

Add to that news that Michael Chopra has been chopped in a reserve match and Sunday's clash at Highbury is looking like it could turn out to be car crash TV at its most excruciating.

Question is, with talk of Owen now evaporated and no signs of other signings being imminent, how much time has Souness got to evidence serious frontline rebuilding? Suddenly, talk of taking Freddie Kanoute as part of a Spurs deal for Jermaine Jenas sounds absurdly attractive - if a little uninspired.

I can feel Alan Shearer eyeing up the manager's space in the dugout.

Note to Souness: 'Go on y' mad Scot, pull a goal-scoring rabbit out of the hat... (Andy Johnson's still signable)'.

Half-baked predictions...

2005-08-10T16:45:00.000+01:00

Mark Lawrenson has made his predictions for the forthcoming Premiership campaign. In lacklustre fashion he's plumping for all three promoted teams to drop straight back out of the top flight - no last day heroics for McCarthy, Jewell or Pardew's men. At the top of the table he's reckoning pretty much as you were. Relatively speaking, there's optimism when it comes to Spurs, Middlesbrough, Man City and Newcastle with notable dips in fortune for Everton, Bolton and Fulham. In full, 'Lawro' reckons:-

1 Chelsea
2 Man Utd
3 Arsenal
4 Liverpool
5 Spurs
6 Middlesbrough
7 Man City
8 Newcastle
9 Everton
10 Bolton
11 Birmingham
12 Aston Villa
13 Charlton
14 Blackburn
15 Portsmouth
16 WBA
17 Fulham
18 Wigan
19 West Ham
20 Sunderland

I'm with him when it comes to anticipating continued improvement at Spurs, though I say there's undue optimism re Middlesbrough and Man City. At the other end, I reckon Cottager Chris Coleman must be a candidate to be an early season casualty, in fact, I can see them going down. Tel says:-

(1) Chelsea
(2) Man Utd
(3) Liverpool
(4) Arsenal
(5) Spurs
(6) Aston Villa
(7) Newcastle
(8) Middlesbrough
(9) Everton
(10) Man City
(11) Charlton
(12) Birmingham
(13) Bolton
(14) Blackburn
(15) Portsmouth
(16) WBA
(17) Sunderland
(18) Fulham
(19) West Ham
(20) Wigan

Do share any half-baked thoughts of your own.

Aren't old folks amazing?

2005-08-09T12:00:00.000+01:00

...One minute they're dribbling into the dugout asking what's for tea, the next minute they're making crystal clear statements with perfect rationale... such as 'Michael Owen should be on his way to Newcastle as he'll be guaranteed 40+ games this season - which is ideal preparation for a world cup and is something that he couldn't safely expect from any of his other premiership suitors'. (According to Bobby Robson)

On this, I concur. The old man has got it. I'd like to see Owen back in the Premiership - but not back at Liverpool (bad karma), nor at Man Utd (he seems too nice), nor Arsenal (again, he's not nasty enough), Chelski? No different from Real surely. Newcastle would serve Owen's interests well, and he there's.

Besides, I'd like to see so many in the media (and myself) have to eat their 'The Madness of Graeme Souness' words.

Note to Michael Owen: Join the Magpies, go on son.

'Did you see the game?'

2005-08-08T11:45:00.000+01:00

'...I'm not worried. Why should I worry? Did you see the game? You can worry for the Chelsea supporters' - Arsene Wenger on Arsenal losing the Community Shield to Chelsea.

Reading the body language of one or two of the Arses, my thoughts are that there's some unhappy bunnies down there at Highbury. Am I convinced that Thierry Henry is feeling good about Arsenal at the moment? No.

How about Arsenal stealing Jenas from the Magpies for £15m then giving them a second poke in the eye by lifting Owen from Real? That would be hard for the Geordies to bear...

The madness that was...

2005-08-04T14:45:00.000+01:00

...Leeds United.

A short piece like this - Seth Johnson now available on a free - leaves me scratching the attractively quiffed El Tel bonce asking myself 'Has there ever been greater business madness than the Leeds United of old?' You'd have to look far and wide before a challenger for this position could be found. In 2001, Seth Johnson was being raved about - he cost Leeds £7.75m. More recently, much greater acumen has been shown - David Healy the Championship buy of last season.

I ask you this: if you had to offload just one player from your club (or any other club), who would it be?

+ + + + + + + + + + +
I'm gonna be away for a few days now - visiting Mrs Tel in H.M.P. Holloway (a long story), so I'll be unable to preach at you until after the weekend. Til then, here's an investment opportunity:-

Having not recovered from the sale of Dean Ashton, Crewe were looking terribly Vanessa Feltz for the second half of last season. Add to that the raft of smart signings made by Steve Cotterill at Burnley and this Saturday's best bet looks like:

Burnley (at odds of about 6/4) to win at Crewe.

UPDATE (08.08.05)...

Ah, bit of a fuck-up with the investment opportunity. Oh well, looks like Cotterill's new boys were a bit heavy-legged. Surprising, but they'll recover. Nice to see the championship's most unlikely outfit getting off to a flyer though.

World Cup chance mashed...

2005-08-03T07:30:00.000+01:00

I have to talk about the insanity of Mr A. Johnson of Crystal Palace. A simple question: what the fuck?

I ask you, how stupid do you have to be to believe that testing yourself against the defensive might of Crewe Alexandra, Sheffield Wednesday and Plymouth Argyle is in any way going to look like half-decent preparation for a WORLD CUP?! The answer: You have to be REALLY FUCKING STUPID to believe this. However, we hear from the wasp-chewer Dowie: 'Playing in the Championship is no barrier to Andy being in the England squad'. Maybe not, but being revealed to have a potato for a brain won't do his chances any good.

If you find a brain that looks like it might belong to Mr Johnson please forward it to: Palace Potato, Selhurst Park, London. SE25 6PU.

Everton schmeverton...

2005-08-02T00:15:00.000+01:00

Not for one second can I imagine Milan Baros moving to Everton but fuck, it would make things interesting. At the moment Everton are a fairly grubby club - the kind of team that put in 'workmanlike' performances.

Again, every time I hear of a forward possibly moving I think 'Why not Newcastle?' - but strangely no talk linking them with Baros - perhaps he's a bit too graceful for Souness. Got to say, I heard a peach last night - Mark Viduka had been 'linked' with a move to Tyneside. Alright, so that might just have been media shite but hell, if it was true then Souness would surely be a contender for hosting next year's Comic Relief yeah?

Who's your premiership King of Comedy?

Taking the Michaels...

2005-08-01T13:00:00.000+01:00

Right, today we've got Jean-Michel Aulas touting Michael Essien to Arsenal (post-Vieira) and Man Utd (post-Keane?) as a means of pressuring a quicker more lucrative deal with Chelsea - fair play, his interest is the Lyon bank balance.

So, Michael Essien: Chelsea, Arsenal or Man Utd?

And we've got the Owen boy - things seem a bit more blurred here. Despite being 'happy at Real' there's persistent talk linking him with Man U. Add to that the 'We're after a striker' Newcastle (money/'Europe' a problem?), the 'They're everywhere' Chelsea (do they need Owen?) and the 'Surely not' Liverpool (Crouching Peter, hidden dimensions?) and I'm left to ask:

Michael Owen: Man Utd, Newcastle, Chelsea or Liverpool?

So, if YOU were taking the Michaels, where would you take them?...

('Imagine' the impact of a double swoop from Old Trafford...)

Wake me up...

2005-07-31T14:00:00.000+01:00

Question: Which teams provoke a big big yawn?

For your's truly in the premiership it's Middlesbrough. Big spenders in previous years - yet what to show for it? A team of nearly men, has-beens and Stewart Downing. Do me a favour... Despite the summer signing of Yakubu you need look no further than Teesside for a team that will again fail to inspire.

More brightly, it should be interesting to see what becomes of Sunderland (it's been a quiet summer - Wearsiders to be quaking or Stead-fast come kick-off?) and Wigan (giving Swindon and Bradford close runs for their money as Most Unfashionable Town ever to boast a premiership team).

So, who are your biggest premiership yawns?

Celtic to bounce back? (*)

2005-07-30T11:30:00.000+01:00

(*) Click title to see article

With both Rangers and Celtic confirmed as selling clubs, today sees the kick-off of the Scots Premier League 2005/06 season. Here's how the Venerable Terry sees things going:-

Dundee Utd 1 - 1 Aberdeen [Actual score: 1-1]
Falkirk 1 - 2 Inverness CT [0-2]
Hibernian 1 - 0 Dunfermline [1-1]
Kilmarnock 0 - 2 Hearts [2-4]
Motherwell 2 - 2 Celtic [4-4!]
Rangers v Livingston [Playing Sunday - sod that!]

(Will give self 3 points for an exact score prediction, 1 point for a correct outcome (e.g. home win, away win or draw but with the wrong scoreline and 0 points for wrong outcome)) [3 + 1 + 0 + 1 + 1 = 6 points - a decent start]

Will update [see bold] later with results.

Lee Bowyer angry? Now there's a change...*

2005-07-29T13:00:00.000+01:00

* Click title to see article.

So the Bowyer boy is put out by the fact that Freddie 'Alan Shearer is a poof' Shepherd has been blowing hot and cold. What kind of a response does this call for?...

Sixteen words: 'You really should not have tried to twat Kieron Dyer in front of fifty thousand Geordies**'.

Final word: twat.

** it is alleged that some of the Geordies were sober and can remember the incident very clearly... like.

Th-rhyl-ling stuff

2005-07-28T22:00:00.000+01:00

It's a blog about football. This is where it starts. This is where it finishes. End of story.

Check out the title link for a 'what football's all about' kind of a story.